Baby steps? Leaps & bounds!

Okay, so it is undoubtedly my mother who is my greatest adversary. I suppose she never meant to be nor does she even realize it. Nonetheless, let's call a spade... well, a spade.

Since meeting my dear husband, I have learned several things about my relationship with my mother. Things that he very clearly pointed out. One of my favorite moments happened one evening while I ironed clothes for Vincent. I called my mother in an ill-fated attempt to gain her approval for something I cannot recall now. Not the point. As I ended the call, tears streaming down my face, I turned to Vincent so that I could regurgitate the conversation all over him. He stopped me promptly and said these magic words, "the next time you go to call your mother, just let me know and I will punch you in the head...it would have the same effect."

No truer words were ever spoken about my relationship with her. So, now you have a little insight. My therapist says I need to create boundaries for my relationship with mom, and strangely enough I listened.

I am PROUD of myself for handling what could have been a volatile situation last weekend. My older brother and I have just recently started mending our relationship which falls prey to my mother more often than I would like to admit. We can talk about that another time. Last Friday night I receive a call from mother and as I go to answer I look to Vincent and comment on how I cannot imagine what she would be calling for. If only I had let it go to voicemail. We get passed the hellos and howareyous and on to the meat of the call. She says, "so what are you guys doing on Sunday?" and I say, without thinking, "nothing, why what's up?" She goes on to invite us (& the kids) up for early dinner and although Vince is working, I agree to take the kids up. Afterall, she leaves the next day on a two-week vacation to Florida. Now that she has me in her net, she decides to tell me that Danny & Deidre & the kids will be there as well. This is not a problem because it's my brother and his family; it is a problem because my brother and I have come to realize that our relationship has a fighting chance when Mother is no where around. I know that sounds godawful, but take my word for it. As I was saying, she has me trapped and then goes on to say that we'll be having cake too for Taylor's (niece) birthday. Again, no big deal except this is my mother's way of pulling all the puppet strings just the way she would like so that things would happen just the way she would like (or at least how she thinks they should). Newsflash: they never go that way. Christ, now I am having anxiety over what was supposed to be a nice, quiet, quick meal with mom.

Saturday comes and we (my family) are spending the day at a near-by amusement park and having a lovely time. Just around 7:30 pm, I receive another call. This time, it is my mother's evil 'drunk' twin. I am not sure which one I know better, or spent more time with as a child. Okay, so at this point...I definitely do not want to participate in the next day's affairs. On the fly, I make up an excuse about why we will not make it up the next day and offer my apologies. At this she tries to guilt me with "well, it would be nice to see you guys but I guess I'll have to wait until I get back from Florida" saying this as slowly and pathetically as possible. PLEASE, give me a break. This woman has never shed a tear about not seeing us and when we do go, she is pushing us out the door as fast as we came in.

Moral of the story....I LIKE MY BOUNDARIES.