All over the place...

It's Thursday afternoon and I am overwhelmed with 'racing thoughts' today. I am ALL OVER THE PLACE. This is not good.

I have a ton of work to do, my son cried this morning when I brought him to preschool, Sadie started the 8th grade today (and I was not there to see her off), my married is in trouble, our minivan is falling apart, I need to clean the house and catch up on laundry, my step-daughter's birthday party is Saturday and I do NOT want to see my in-laws (they SUCK).

I don't feel any better now that I rambled on...it did not help. Okay, I know my problems may seem insignificant to most. After all, it could be worse and I know that. But this is where I am right now and they are significant for me, right now. I would want pity from anyone, I am just a mess today.

I have to call marriage counselors today to make an appointment. I love Vince, and I know he loves me. The problem is that I was mentally absent for a good portion of our relationship due to the bi-polar beast that insists on getting in the way. Now I am back, mentally healthy for the first time in a long time and Vince has not dealt with any of this and is now holding on to resentment. PS, I completely understand his anger and frustration. However, he keeps his head in the sand (by way of TV) and waits for everything to just happen and everyone else to make it happen. Meanwhile, I cannot live with that. My children need him to get in the game and now we're facing some ultimatums. DAMN IT!


I hate his family (in the exception of his youngest sister) right now and I struggle with feeling guilty about that. They deserve my hatred, they have been so shitty to me and my kids. I feel nothing but disgust for them. I don't want them in my house, I will not step foot in theirs.

I feel like I just woke up and am seeing, for the first time, how I have let people treat me and it is not acceptable. Now I am unwilling to accept it and Vince feels like I am hitting him with a brick. That sucks for him, but I have to stand up for me and my kids. This will not be tolerated any longer.