Help, they're changing my meds...

Okay, so I just got home from a visit to my 'head' doctor or shrink, whichever you prefer.

About 6 mos. ago the great doctor (seriously, he is keeping me alive) up'ed my Effexor dose to 225mg/day. I don't know if that's a "holy shit" dose or an "eh, it could be worse" dose. Doesn't matter. Point is, I missed a dose of Effexor twice while taking 150mg and let me tell you it's no pleasure cruise. Both times my body just started to shake, on the inside. And I just felt like crap, but not just your ordinary "I feel like crap today". No, this was crap multiplied by 100. I researched this wonder drug that I started taking while vacationing in the mental ward of my local hospital. What I read terrified me, some refer to this strange reaction as 'brain shivers' or 'brain quivers' - that just sounds God-awful. Believe me, it feels worse. Back to my point.

After that I never missed a dose, until the next time...

The next time...I wake up on a typical Wednesday morning and rush into the shower 'cause I hit snooze twice. No sooner do I get out of the shower and I am hunched over in pain. Shallow, quick breathing then cold sweats and my whole body tightens and I feel like I cannot move a muscle. I stay in a fetal position for what feels like forever but may have been only a few minutes. As the feeling fades, my jaw clenches and I have that weird sensation that crawls up out of your belly and right into your throat and out your...well, you can imagine. I have not vomited that violently since my 21st birthday! Back flash: The Big Kahuna, Dover, DE, Oct. 12, Wednesday- in the ladies' room. No one called me a lady that night!!! Well, just as I am rinsing my mouth it dawns on me, I forgot my meds the day before. So I hurry to take my missed dose and wait...and wait...and wait. After 5 hours of misery, I call the great doctor and he can't fix this one for me. He tells me I can take another dose right now and if by 7 pm I am not feeling better, take an extra Effexor. Fast-forward... the extra dose worked, I felt better by bedtime. I will never leave the house without a dose on me for backup. I love Effexor. I hate Effexor.

By the time I see the doc today, I have come to terms with the fact that I will be on Effexor for the rest of my life because I fear the withdrawal. What does the great doctor decide today? To switch me to Lexapro. He has had great success with Lexapro - I am sure he is referring to his patients; I bet he is not crazy. His decision is based on two things he says. Numero uno: my blood pressure has been hanging around 132/96 (apparently that is dangerouly high) for the last four months and I even quit smoking three months ago. Since the smoking wasn't causing the high blood pressure, it must be the Effexor. Great, does that mean I can smoke again? I finally find the pill that works and it raises my BP and holds me prisoner from fear of missing a dose. WTF? Oh yeah, the other reason for the switch...I am still feeling on the edge too often. I unravel at least twice a week. Sometimes the unraveling can last days. Can you imagine? I feel sorry for Vince and the kids when this happens. I am painfully aware while it's happening and no matter how much I want to, I cannot seem to take hold and stop it. The answer...onto Lexapro.

Wish me luck, I think I need it. I am cutting my dose by 1/3 starting tomorrow morning. Like I need this stress.